Dani's Posts Part I

December 29, 2017

• dani.batesThis was the day after Winnie was born. Winnie was smiling from day one, and here it looks as though they’re smiling at each other. Ten days after Winnie was born, Denny ended up in the hospital with Sepsis. They sent in hospice to talk to me and the doctors tried to sound positive about his condition, but he was very sick and it looked bad. I was still recovering from birth and in a lot of pain. We would spend the first four months of our baby’s life in and out of hospitals. I wasn’t allowed to take her in to the hospital room with me. I had so much guilt when I was with Denny and not my baby, then I had equal guilt being with my baby and not Denny. The thing that brought me the most comfort during that time was my mom taking Winnie. I had plenty of people offering to watch her. And my mom was sick with stage four lung cancer. But she INSISTED she got to take Winnie every day. Sometimes for 12 hours at a time, so I could visit Denny then get some sleep. I would just stop in to nurse every few hours, but my mom did everything else. This is just how my mom was. And she never complained. Actually, she saw it as a blessing that she was able to spend so much time with “her” baby. My mom always told me how perfect Winnie was and how she’s never seen a happier little girl. We get told that frequently actually by so many. Winnie has been a big part of getting me through this. I go for hours of feeling fine and staying distracted, then all of a sudden, even to my surprise, I’m sobbing uncontrollably. Each time, Winnie comes up to me and rubs my face and hair softly and says “Mommy...Crying...Sad.” Then she gives me hugs and kisses. She takes care of me even though I’m her mother. My mom saw how special this little girl was, just as Denny and I have seen. Such a blessing in my life right now. This is one of my favorite pictures that shows their relationship from the very beginning. They were the best of friends. Taken by one of my best friends, Jessica, who also did the amazing flowers for the funeral.

• December 15, 2017
• dani.batesWe had this necklace made for my mom for Christmas. We are so grateful to have another little girl coming to us in May. It’s hard to not have my mom around for this. But we found out the gender on Friday morning and were able to tell my mom while she was still conscious. My mom’s sister, Heidi, spent the most time with her during her last lucid hours. She told us that my mom talked more about our new baby girl more than anything else, which was so sweet to hear. And comforting. I want everyone to know that I read every message and comment and although I don’t respond often, it’s so comforting. I’m also grateful for the support when I post these sweet things about my mom. Everyone knew she was amazing, but nobody knows how amazing she really was. My mom adored Winnie more than anything else and was so excited for us to have this next little one. And we can’t wait for her to join our family ❤️

• December 14, 2017
• dani.batesThis is the only picture I can find of just the two of them, but it’s appropriate. I wanted to share about how much my mom adored Denny. For some reason, in her last few weeks she talked a lot about how much she loved Denny with several people. It seemed to be one of her main topics throughout the last bit of time we had with her. She fully admitted she was not a fan at first. Denny tends to get that reaction sometimes. Denny doesn’t care what most people think of him, so you can take it or leave it. That can put people off. But over time, as my family got to know Denny better, they all fell in love. He doesn’t do things for credit or expecting something in return. He does things because he wants to and my mom told many people about the things he did for her these last few years that I didn’t even know about. She cried sharing these things and some of his sweet text messages to her. She saw how Denny may come off as abrupt at first, but he is steady, constant, supportive, loyal, and a rock to me and my entire family. She constantly shared how much she loved watching him with Winnie and that there was no better dad out there. She adored his love and selflessness towards me. He teased her and always made her laugh, even when she was in incredible pain. He visited her when she was stuck in bed and brought her some of her favorite treats. He gave her happy music to help her stay positive through it all. And she especially loved how much he sacrificed for me and little girl. I wish I could share all of the stories with everyone. My mom always wanted sons. And that’s what Denny was to her. Not because he was married to me, but because she loved Denny for who Denny is through and through. They had a relationship deeper than most son in laws have with their mother in law. And he really is her son. I am so grateful that they got to know each other so well and truly become family. I couldn’t get through this without this man. And he continues to be my rock and my steady through each insane turn life throws at us. And I know my mom trusts Denny with her daughter and granddaughter more than she could ever trust anyone else.

December 11, 2017

dani.batesI’m holding my sweet baby close tonight. While she sleeps, she keeps smiling and I hope it’s “Mummi” (what she called my mom) visiting her dreams. The greatest blessing to me in all of this was having my mom around for almost 2 years of Winnie’s life. My mom calls her “our” baby and her nickname for her is “peanut.” Winnie brought her sunshine and became my moms greatest joy the second she was born. I hope that Winnie will always know how loved she is and will keep my connection to my mom strong. Mummi is now her guardian angel. She was the greatest mom and the best grandma. This picture was about two weeks ago and is a small glimpse of my moms obsession with “our” little peanut. Really, it does not get better than this woman. She truly was too good for this world. I’m broken right now. But I’m so glad I have my little girl to be my sunshine too. Please pray for me and my family

December 10, 2017

• dani.batesEven during her sickest and most painful moments, my mom wants her best buddy Winnie right by her. I love these people.

• November 25, 2017
• dani.batesEven though it’s blurry, this is one of my favorite pictures of all time. ❤️❤️❤️❤️