Many of you have emailed and texted to
get updates and told me there is nothing new on my blog. I confess I am a failure as a blogger. However, in an attempt to redeem myself I
will try to make up for two months of nothing.
Last month my blood labs came back completely normal. Nothing was out of range. I still have lung cancer but those bad guys
are being defeated one by one. Due to
the cancer that metastasized to my spine, I have developed some compression
fractures up and down the spine. In
order to try to reduce some of the larger masses of cancer on my spine we are
doing targeted radiation. We are also
hoping that they will reduce the pain in my back…an extra bonus!
One thing I have discovered is that
cancer comes with hidden blessings. What do I mean by “hidden blessings”? They
are precisely those events or challenges in our lives that at first glance do
not look like a blessing when they happen but after the passage of time, great
blessings flow. Such “blessings” only become evident as we look for them. Many people would never call cancer a
gift. But in my case, it has been a
gift. Perhaps the cancer itself is not a
blessing, but many hidden blessings and priceless gifts have come from what I
am learning through this experience of battling cancer. Many of these blessings are things I don’t
think I would have ever experienced were it not for having cancer. For that I
am eternally grateful. Within in the
word “Cancer” is the word “Can” and I can
take the lessons I have learned to become a better person.
So here are some of the gifts and
blessings my journey with cancer has brought:
Handicapped parking permit’s rock!
June
is National Cancer Survivor Month at Hogle Zoo. I can get free admission. Love those gorillas!
Massages once a week thanks to a
generous gift from my mom…a piece of heaven.
Massage strengthens the immune system not to mention it is so relaxing
and soothing. I just wish they could let
me sleep there for an hour after the massage.
I save money on haircuts. The
medication has stopped my hair from growing so no need for haircuts. Since my
hair is not growing I don’t have to worry about gray hair. I used to have long
really thick hair which would take me 30 minutes to blow dry. Since the meds have caused my hair to thin
out I can blow dry it in less than 60 seconds.
Another perk is “Crazy” hair. One of the side effects from the meds is that
my hair sticks straight up in the air without any need for gels or hair
creams. There are some teens out there
that would love to have my hair.
I am learning to live in the
present…I’ve spent a life time living in the past and future. For a couple of months I was on oxygen 24/7
and unable to breath on my own. I never
realized how grateful I was just to be able to breath. Now just focusing on my breath brings me back
to the present. Before I was lost in my
thoughts, and worries while at the very same time rushing around
trying to get everything done on my to do list.
Wherever I have traveled throughout the world children seem to be
happy. Even in third world countries
where they are surrounded by poverty and hunger. Why?
Could it be that children live in the present and they experience pure
joy?
I’m relearning that I have the power to
Create. Not only to create my own
thoughts and choose to be happy but to create things. I used to love to draw and paint when I was
younger. I could spend hours lost in my
artwork. It is a gift that has laid
dormant for way to long and it is time to bring out the artist within
again. Art is healing.
I sing.
Yes, I’ve started singing again.
My daughters will all testify that I am totally tone deaf and sing
completely off tune but who cares. I
made a CD of my favorite happy songs and crank the volume up in my car and belt
out the words to my heart’s content.
Remember the times you were at a stop light and a car full of teens
pulled up next to you and the car was literally rocking back and forth because
the music was playing so loud…well that’s ME now! My repertoire of songs includes “Don’t Worry
Be Happy”, “This is the Best Day of My Life”, “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus and
“Hakana Matata”. Again there is
scientific proof that certain music boosts the immune system to help you fight
disease. Uplifting music releases pain
releasing endorphins. It is not only energizing but healing.
I dance. As a little girl I spent my days twirling and
dancing around the room. My favorite
record was “Tina the Ballerina,” which I listened to over and over again as I
spun in pirouettes while running into walls. But somewhere along the path to
adulthood I stopped dancing. Well I ‘m
dancing again in the privacy of my own home.
I put on “Singing in the Rain” and cut loose…Fred Astaire would be
proud! It feels so exhilarating. This has taught me not to wait for the storm
to pass, but to dance in the rain.
I
laugh. I am discovering a
renewed ability to find humor in just about every situation possible. Some studies claim that children laugh around
300-400 times a day versus adults that laugh less than 17 times daily. Whether or not these studies are true, the
point is that as we grow up we laugh less. Laughter truly is the best medicine. So I have raised my laugh quota. Longer
laughs count as multiple points. I have learned to laugh at myself again and
daily look for things to laugh about. It
is true that one loses many laughs by not laughing at oneself. "You don't stop laughing because you
grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing."—Michael Pritchard
I’ve learned to do Qigong. What is Qigong you ask? It is a novel way of exercising using
breathing, meditation and movement together.
It is rooted in Chinese medicine and has components of the martial
arts. However, it is very healing and
energizing. It truly has helped with my
back pain and relieved stress. I also
find myself laughing when I look at myself in a mirror doing some of the
movements.
I’m
learning to have Gratitude for everything.
I’m learning to see life through grateful eyes. Things that used to
annoy me I now find myself being grateful for.
Expressing gratitude initiates a powerful healing effect in your body
and mind. I have gratitude for my healing, gratitude for receiving guidance,
gratitude for all my blessings. If you want more happiness, joy, and
energy, cultivate more gratitude. Cancer has opened my eyes to all the
little things I took for granted and shown me how truly blessed I am. Gratitude
brings our attention into the present, where miracles can unfold.
I’m
learning to meditate as was suggested by my doctors. I have a terrible time
sitting still. I always have to be doing
something and to sit quietly for 20 minutes was torture in the beginning and I
would keep opening my eyes to see how much time has passed. I felt I could
learn Arabic easier than I could learn to meditate. However, I’ve come to look
forward to my daily meditation time.
Meditation can amp up your immune system and experts claim there are 70
other benefits that go along with meditation.
It’s free and there are no negative side effects. Now my goal is to cure my insomnia through
meditation.
I am a control freak. This has taught me Patience and to relinquish
control to God. I now see that getting frustrated, worried, or losing my cool
over things I cannot control or don’t have the answers to does nothing but
waste valuable energy. I’m learning how to LET GO and go with the flow rather
than fighting and resisting what is. “Never put a period where God has placed a
comma.” – Gracie Allen. I am
learning to pray for strength and patience to endure the commas rather than
wait for the period to be placed.
I am learning to receive. Those who know me well will tell you I’m a
terrible receiver when it comes to taking help from others. I’m fiercely independent to a fault. I’m learning interdependence and increasing
my capacity
to receive help from others.
Cancer has afforded me time not only to
learn, but also to engage in acts of self-care that before the diagnosis, I
would not have permitted myself to do.
I’m more aware than ever before of how valuable friends
are…my friends are irreplaceable. I
could not have done this without them.
I’ve had one dear friend drop everything get on a plane and cared for my
every need during the time I was bedridden. I have had friends who I have not
been in touch with for over 20 years
reach out to me. These treasured
friends share their hearts with me, and show me unconditional love and
concern. This includes my loving
neighbors…they have brought over meals, gifts, flowers and cleaned my
home. WHAT a gift – and a blessing – that has been.
I didn’t think it was
possible for my love for my family to expand, but it is in a different
realm. How I love my three amazing
daughters, my son in law and my sweet husband.
It is for them that I am fighting this and I will continue to fight this
until it is defeated. Their love
sustains me. My love for my devoted
husband has deepened. He suffered a
massive cerebral hemorrhage one year ago and yet he is at my side serving me
daily. I’m counting the days to the
arrival of my first grandchild next month.
My mother has been a solid rock for me.
Her own battle to defeat cancer has been an example to me. The support of my siblings has also been
critical. Thoughts of my loved ones keep
me going.
This
brings me to the angels that have ministered to me and my family. Angels that are both seen and unseen. I have felt their presence. I know my father and grandparents who have
passed away have been near.
I have a new perspective. I want to be better for having gone through
this. When you know what it feels like to stare at death’s door, you tend to
appreciate life more. I am learning how
true it is that discouragement, despair and hopelessness come from the way we
look at things.
As ironic as this may sound, I am so HAPPY.
No one is happy they have cancer, but you can have cancer and still be
happy! Is it possible to feel peace,
joy and be happy even in the midst of adversity? YES. I
couldn’t have said that two years ago.
I
have witnessed miracles every day of my journey with cancer. Some are small and some are HUGE. But daily I witness them. Wherever there is great love and faith there
are miracles!
My faith in my Savior has
increased. I have faith that He is
walking this journey with me. I could
not and would not be where I am now without His constant help. Believing that there is purpose in this,
believing that all will be well, believing that something wonderful is going to
come through this, believing that no matter what I am never alone for He is in
this. We don’t always understand the
way of divinity but as I put my faith and trust in a loving Heavenly Father and
His Son I know that all things will be for my ultimate good and the good of my
family.
I’ve learned that without HOPE you
cannot fight this. Your doctors can give
you facts, statistics and calculated possibilities, but HOPE comes from within
and is a gift from above. Hope is not denial,
but the gift of Hope blesses us with the state of mind to deal with the gap
between what is and what can be. It can be life sustaining.
I have greater appreciation of the
Atonement of Jesus Christ. That enabling
power to heal, comfort, strengthen, carry burdens and sanctify. Truly in the strength of the Lord we can
overcome all things.
My love for my Heavenly Father and
Savior has increased. I know that they
know me and know what our family needs.
All these things will be for our ultimate good. My favorite saying is they will turn our
straw into gold as we look to them in all things.
Yes, my very being has changed through
this illness. This has been my
classroom. I am learning that if I throw
spit wads and recent the teacher I will have to stay after class. However, if I pay attention, do my homework,
and embrace my teacher there will be joy in the journey and there has been JOY
in this journey.
Thank you for all your prayers, love
and support. I would love to hear how
you have found joy in your own journeys.
I love the quote: “So often we
become so focused on the finish line that we fail to enjoy the journey.” –
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Please see the next post for a recent message from my daughter Gabi who is serving a mission in Ecuador!
Please see the next post for a recent message from my daughter Gabi who is serving a mission in Ecuador!
