“Joy is not the absence of pain but the presence of God.”
This past July I discovered that my targeted therapy medication to treat my lung cancer had stopped working. Most of the cancer that had been destroyed had returned. Once again it was in my brain and vital organs, not to mention my bones…most specifically my spine. I was shocked. I had been working so hard to do everything I could to rid myself of this cancer which I was told was incurable. I had changed my diet to organic fruits and veggies with lots of green smoothies. I was doing meditation, and all kinds of things that other cancer patients who had recovered had told me about. All of course under my doctors care and approval. Why had this happened??? However, deep within I knew this was not the end of the road.
After blood tests my healthcare team discovered that I had a rare mutation that had formed as a result of the medication Tarceva which I had been taking. A drug had recently been approved by the FDA and developed in Japan to treat cancer with patients who had this rare mutation. This drug was ten times more powerful than the Tarceva in fighting the cancer. Within a week I started the new medication.
I realized without the Tarceva I could never have been a candidate for this new drug. So often in our life when one door closes, if we will continue to look up and not despair another door will open.
Now almost 3 months later I’m doing fabulous. I’m walking 2-3 miles a day and preparing to go to Africa to lead a team in a teacher training. I feel energized, alive and living my purpose. Yes, I still have cancer but minimal. It is gone from my brain, and only a little bit still exists in my lungs and liver. It is disappearing in my spine because my compression fractures are healing. All is well!
This past year I’ve done a lot of introspection as I’ve done some serious thinking about my own mortality. I’ve asked the questions, “Have I done what I was sent here to do? Have I been a good mother? Grandmother? Spouse? Daughter? Sister? Friend? Have I developed and shared my talents and strengths? And perhaps most importantly, have I served others?”
Recently I read a survey where those whose death was imminent were asked what their three biggest regrets were. The top three were: 1) I wish I had spent more time with the people I love, 2) I wish I had lived up to my potential, and 3) I wish I had let myself be happier.
I read a quote that said: “While nobody can go back and start a new beginning, anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
It’s funny how many people have said to me: “You and your family have suffered through so many trials over the last few years.” I don’t see it that way. In fact I feel like I have thrown away an old coat and have put on a beautiful new one.
The last few years have been some of the most difficult, but most satisfying I’ve ever lived. I remember the saying that depression is when pain is greater than purpose. My sense of purpose is definitely over-riding the pain! This past two years have been an exercise of remembering the Lord’s tender mercies, miracles and lessons of how joy has overshadowed pain.
So, I have to say that the most amazing thing about my experience with cancer is what a spiritual high it has been. It has been like a refresher course of remembering things the Lord has taught me and blessings I’ve received. I have felt an increased sense of gratitude which has resulted in JOY.
This past year has sparked a period of honest introspection and soul searching for me, and I tried to recall the life experiences during the last decade that had brought me the most genuine joy. And so, these past months have been a sacred time of remembering, and my heart is full of gratitude for all I’ve remembered.
We all want joy. The formula for getting it is so simply yet often so hard to do. Gratitude makes us joyful. It is as simple as that. Yet instead we would often choose to sit down to hours of mindless TV or Netflix. Often this vegetative state can put us into a mild state of depression. It takes effort to be grateful. It is a choice we make daily, hourly.
I don’t know who to attribute this quote to but I really love it. “Some of you today have had unfair things happen, life has not turned out like you’d hoped. God is saying ‘If you’ll rise up out of those ashes, put on a new attitude, I’ll not only bring you out but I’ll bring you out with twice what you had before.’”
There it is the attitude of gratitude brings forth miracles. Miracles are everywhere and show up in the strangest of ways. Miracles come in the form of dear family and friends that are there for us no matter what we are going through. Miracles are love. Miracles manifest God’s love for each of us. I am not alone, you are not alone. Miracles are God’s way of letting us know He is there. LIVE AS IF EVERYDAY IS A MIRACLE…because for me and my family it is!
I rejoice in the Lord Jesus Christ who sustains my life, and lives to bless us all. If we open our eyes we will see all about us His abundant goodness. He is the Light and Life of the world.
Teilhard de Chardin was right when he said, “Joy is not the absence of pain but the presence of God.”
